consistency.

One skill I severely lack is consistency. I will work out manically for a few days, weeks, maybe months. and then stop. or, i will post a blog, or two, then stop. maybe that should be my New Year's resolution- be consistent. so far, i've been to the gym once. but hey, this is my second post here! baby steps.

I got this great idea to make this in part, a food blog, and i've made some fantastic stuff this week that i would've loved to share. like Boursin and Cheddar mac and cheese. i was so excited, i ran upstairs to get my camera when it came out of the oven....annnd it was dead. and i left the charger at my house in cleveland. so, scratch that idea for the time being. but, i will get to it, i promise.

right now, i've got a banana bread in the oven. it smells fantastic. like i said, i love to cook. the weird thing is though, i rarely like to cook for myself. in fact, if i'm by myself, i probably won't cook. to me, it's about making something for someone else. a gesture of affection perhaps? the part i wait for is for whoever is eating what i made to tell me what they think of it.

i have to take an internship this summer for graduate school as part of my coursework, and today i applied to one in NYC. i'd like to get it, but even if i did, i don't know if i'd take it. i've done that a lot in life.

for example, in both undergrad and graduate school, i got into much better schools than the ones i actually chose. i'm not unhappy with the decisions i've made, in fact i'm quite content. i rarely, if ever, legitimately wonder what would have happened if i would've gone to NYU or Emory or University of Michigan or whatever. but i do wonder why i do that. just to get the confidence boost of knowing i could've done something if i wanted to?

reading this over, i think i probably come off big headed. i'm not. i try not to be anyways, because i know for the few things i could boast about i have hundreds of things about me that really aren't so great. really i just think a lot about why i do the things i do, and what people think of them.

ok. banana bread is out of the oven. time to go.