also, i kind of realized today that pretty much all of my future is a huge question mark right now, which is a mix of scary and exciting. i realize i don't really have much of an issue until i'm done in December, but i've always been one to plan ahead, at least have a rough sketch or an outline or an idea, and i literally have no clue. none. do i get my PhD? (cool, yet expensive). do i get a job? (logical, yet probably pretty difficult). where do i get a job? WHAT DO I DO!? i would say "someone please tell me", but actually anytime someone gives me their two cents i start getting real annoyed at someone else telling me what to do with my life and i end up wanting to tell them to go away.
i have entered in this bubble of 'i'll just keep going to school, that is safe', but i feel like i'm suspending reality. not to mention going into mountains of debt.
actually, if i could do anything, i would join the Peace Corps. i'm not kidding. in 6th grade Eleni Rokakis' cousin came and talked to us about the Peace Corps and her experience in it, i immediately wanted to do it and i still do, that never went away. i get emails from them all the time (because i put myself on their email list in a fit of inspiration). they need people with public health experience that can speak french. um hi. that's me.
there's a million reasons that i'm not doing it (well not really. but a good few.), but seriously getting shipped off to like some remote impoverished nation in the world is like my dream job---yes, i realize what i just said.
overall, i just feel like i should be doing...more. i'n part i think that's because for the last 8 years i made myself so insanely busy that when i go at life at a normal pace, it seems like i'm achieving nothing. i feel complacent. i feel like i'm not achieving like i could be. hm.
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