success.

Mondays are always fun.

I don’t have class until 1:30 on Mondays, which is nice. When I don’t have a lot to do for school, I like to sleep in a little bit and bum around until I have to go to school. But, most weeks, I have a ton of work to do, so today I woke up early and watched the Today Show while I ate my breakfast.

The Today Show was talking about the Olympics and interviewing pretty much every person who ever won a medal for the US in the winter Olympics ever. During an interview with a 16 year old girl who is competing in figure skating for the US, it all kind of hit me at once---look at what these people have done with their lives! They are incredibly successful. And here I am, 22 years old…not really old by any means but I am nowhere close to being a successful person…ohhhh heyyy, quarter-life crisis.

I’m sure having a case of the Mondays didn’t particularly help as I realized my successes in life- qualifying for states in speech and debate...being homecoming queen…graduating college…are all well and good, yes, but by no means make me a successful person in any way, shape, or form.

I have no job. I’m still in school, actually putting myself further behind by racking up debt. Sure, I’ve done service and volunteer work, I’ve got a little bit of experience in my field of choice, but even then, compared with everybody I’m in school with clamoring to get into Med school, my resume looks like a joke. I have a genuine passion for what I want to pursue, and I’m trying. A research assistantship or something like that would be great right now. It’s frustrating, though, when people tell you “we need someone with more experience”. Great, but how am I going to get any experience if you don’t hire me!?

I know that succeeding in your career/job isn’t the only way to succeed in life, but it’s one of the biggies. I’ve spent the rest of the day thinking about what it really means to succeed. I’m still sort of drawing a blank. What do I do? How do I know when I get there? Am I going to reach a point in my life where I can turn around some day and say “hey, I really succeeded!”? People I went to high school with already have jobs! And children! And families! Personally I’m not ready for the last two, but damn, they’re really doing something with their lives…taking care of other human beings!? That’s huge.

I totally sound like Debbie Downer over here. Apologies.

Besides mulling over the lack of success in my life today, I did biostatistics for three hours, sat in lecture for two, and studied for one of my two exams this week. Not a bad day….just not particularly a fun day. Blechhh.